The burning question of payment for joint leisure has been of interest to many people for a long time. How long to look at the bill until the man guesses to pay it? Or not compromise with your inner feminist and pay honestly for yourself?
Society easily adapts to new technologies and life circumstances, which cannot be said about the stereotypes - “a man should, a woman should.” In 2008, American sociologists conducted a large-scale study based on the answers of 20 thousand people surveyed about the traditions of paying for dates and joint entertainment. 82% of men confirmed that they undertake these expenses, even if the couple has been together for a long time, and only half of the women are ready to participate in these expenses (to pay some part, provided that they have been in a relationship for at least six months). Six years later, in 2014, the NerdWallet website conducted a similar survey, but the dynamics were minimal: 77% of the polled representatives of both genders advocate for a man to pay for the evening.
So, we have historical gallantry and tutelage based on a banal monetary imbalance: just a hundred years ago, our own money was found mainly in men. On the other hand, there are social trends. Men are used to taking out their wallets on dates. For some, this is a kind of investment in a pleasant evening. Such gentlemen are very disappointed after the rendezvous, on which the funds were spent but not paid for. For others, paying for dinner is asserting oneself in the eyes of women as a breadwinner. For others, it is a social obligation, which is not always to their liking.
But in the modern world, many women earn well and provide for themselves, so there is no need for material protection as well as the need to worry that the woman's order was large.
But to be honest, a woman spends money on a date before the bill appears on the table.
Regular visits to the hairdresser and beautician, mandatory depilation, eyebrow, eyelash, nail care, etc. And that's not counting cosmetics. Half of the women around the world are still convinced that appearance is their main responsibility and the largest investment. The beauty industry has made $ 57 million in the last year in the United States alone. Women's clothing remains the most popular online shopping section.
But it is also very important what country you live in and what kind of men you associate with. For example, in the USA, Canada, Israel, and Arab countries, it is mostly men who pay the bill. The same cannot be said about European men. In Europe, it is customary to split the bill in half.
The Americans have a nice phrase for the end of the evening. They ask: is it okay if I pay? This simultaneously emphasizes the man's interest and respect for any woman's answer. Progressive American women easily propose splitting the bill: 40% of them prefer to pay for themselves and consider their partner's patronizing behavior an insult. 39% of American women will offer a man a 50-50 payment option but would like to hear "no" in return. According to David Frederick, professor of psychology at Chapman University, "people are happy to accept the changes that make life easier for them, but resist the changes that make it difficult." Gentlemen like to feel like earners, but not like being a "free dinner option." The girls like to be led, but they don't like being obligated for the cocktail they buy.
Should a man pay for a woman if, for example, they go to the cinema or go to a cafe for lunch? Unless, of course, this is a business lunch, but when a man and a woman begin a relationship. Then this question becomes relevant. And sometimes it even depends on him, according to what scenario these relations will develop and whether they will be at all.
If a woman makes any plans for further relationships, she will expect the manifestations of some kind of guardianship and protection from the man. Including the willingness to spend money on it: invite to a restaurant, make gifts and so on. If he does not, then the girl realizes that he most likely does not want a serious relationship with her. But the opposite situation also happens: a man is in love with a woman and dreams of a joint future with her, tries to please her and conquer her, and she only accepts his courtship.
When both partners have little money, they often agree to pay equally, each for himself. This approach is most often found among young people today. They both live on a scholarship, money is not enough, so it is difficult for a guy to pay for a girl. That's when they agree on financial equality, and everyone pays for himself. By the way, it has been noticed that strong families are often obtained from such partnerships. From the very beginning, young people are accustomed to dividing life's difficulties in half; they do not have a consumer attitude towards each other.
Etiquette specialists also discuss the question of who will pay on the first date. They believe that it is best if partners discuss this issue in advance; otherwise, they may get into an unpleasant situation. In modern society, such an option is acceptable when a man and a woman share the costs in half. However, if a woman's salary is much lower than that of a man, then it is the man who will pay the expenses. In any case, a woman should take into account the opinion of many modern men that if they pay for a meeting with a woman, the continuation of this evening will be sexual relations.
Many people think that paying the bill is a symbol of invitation from the man and consent from the woman. Psychologist Enrico de Sanctis believes that the value of money increases during a romantic meeting. “By paying the bill, a man shows his desire to seduce his companion and wants to satisfy her needs. At the same time, the girl understands how much her consent is worth, ”he explains. Etiquette experts say that there has always been a rule "who invited, he pays." This also applies to business meetings or a business lunch: the inviting party, woman or man, always pays the bill. However, it is important to take into account the mentality and traditions of the country. For example, it is customary for everyone to pay for themselves in European countries, even on a romantic date.
But if you are a girl and you are raised that way, or you think that a man has to pay for you on dates, then the best way to resolve this issue is to discuss the situation before you go on a date with him. At the same time, it is very important to consider the material condition of your partner and his origin and upbringing. For 42% of women, it is completely normal that everyone pays for themselves on dates.
Even 20-30 years ago, it was customary for a man to pay on the first and subsequent dates. But the reality is changing: men have become more tight-fisted, and many women have adopted the principles of feminism, offer to pay their bills.
In Europe and the USA, as a rule, everyone pays for himself, and even when he takes all the expenses on himself, she considers it her duty to treat at least coffee. It has long been equal in the entire civilized world. But some women think like this: "You don't have to pay for me - unless, of course, you count on anything but friendship."
If we talk about role attitudes, then a man, paying a bill in a restaurant, is in control of the situation and positions himself as a future breadwinner and head of the family. In an offer to pay equally in our still very patriarchal society, many girls see just an excuse to justify their stinginess.
It is curious that in another situation, a man for whom a woman paid on a date becomes a gigolo in the eyes of others. Unless, of course, a credit card was stolen from him, a dog ate his wallet, or another force majeure happened.
According to statistics, 44% of men think about breaking up a relationship if a woman does not offer to cover some of the expenses during dating, 16% of men believe that they have the right to have sex if they paid, and 30% of women feel less pressure, refusing sex if they also paid the bill.
According to researchers, despite the fact that ideas in society are rapidly changing, many traditions still remain the same.
