If you’re a man and you’re reading this, worried that your wife might be a lesbian, the first thing to do is calm down. Your wife likely isn’t a lesbian, but she might come to identify herself as bisexual, pansexual, or heteroflexible. This does not necessarily mean the end of your marriage. Your wife is attracted to somebody else, and that’s normal. She happens to be attracted to another woman. Our advice is to sit down with her, talk to her about it, ask her what she wants to do long-term, and, if it comes to it, ask yourself if you’ll be comfortable with her being sexual with another woman outside your marriage.
Well, what if? How do you think you will feel if your wife starts dating other women? How will you feel if she enters into a relationship with another woman? How will you feel if that relationship becomes serious? Many men are not comfortable with their wife having any romantic or sexual relationships outside their marriage. If that’s you, this could mean the end of your marriage. But many husbands are cool with their wives experimenting with other women. Indeed, the very idea is a turn-on for many men; it’s a common male fantasy. Just remember that your wife might be looking to fool around and accidentally fall in love with another woman. Then what?
Sometimes a guy is down with his wife dating other women, but then she goes on a date, and he finds himself hyperventilating at home due to his nerves. This happens. When you open up a relationship, nerves and uncertainty are common, but you might find that it’s a lot harder than you suspected. It’s OK to say you can’t do it. But let’s say you are cool with it, but your wife makes a deep connection with a woman and falls in love with her. How should you both handle this situation?
When a guy’s wife falls in love with another woman, that means the marriage must end right? Or that this couple should at least take a break, right? Not necessarily. Many healthy couples are, well, not couples at all, but rather “thruples”. And even “quadruples” and “quintuples”. These types of relationships are rare, for sure, and many don’t last that long. But these types of polyamorous relationships are increasing in popularity as many people turn away from monogamy. Could you still love your wife while she loves another woman? Could you, as a woman, love another woman and your husband? It might be worth a try.
Let’s say you’ve talked it over with your husband, and you two have agreed that you should pursue connections with like-minded women. . .or maybe you’ve just made this decision yourself. Hey, relationships can be tricky, and every person has a reason for whatever they do. If you’re a married woman seeking a female partner, your best bet is probably via an online dating site—such as iamnaughty.com—where you can set up a profile for free and check out the place. These sites tend to make it much easier to meet a single woman. But what if she’s not single? Or what if she wants something different from you?
In women-loving-women (WLW) relationships, there’s often a lot of tension around bisexuality and lesbianism. Many lesbians resent the idea of being an “experiment” for bi-women or heteroflexible women, especially those who have a male partner. You don’t want to make big waves or annoy people, so the best thing is, to be honest and upfront. If you want to date other women and have a good time, then say it, either in your dating profile or early on in a conversation. If you’re not entirely sure of what you want, then say that.
If you’ve come to this blog not to learn what to do as a woman nor to read titillating stores of women hooking up, but seeking tips on how to handle both infidelity and the possibility of your wife not being straight, there’s not a lot more we can say. It’s not a great situation if your wife is cheating on you, even if it’s with another woman. It doesn’t make for a happy situation and people can lose their family in such a situation. Talking is the only path toward making a better life here. Is your wife still attracted to men? To you? Can you deal with infidelity? Is a polyamorous relationship on the table? Is she willing to allow you similar permissions? Many questions must be answered.
If your wife has had or is having sex with multiple women behind your back, it’s hard to imagine how you can re-establish a good relationship after that. People are indeed complicated, and they make mistakes. But forgiving a serial cheater rarely leads to a happy relationship, though that can happen. But some men actually aren’t that bothered if their wife has sex with other women or even enjoys its idea. If your wife is cheating on you, then yes, she must apologize and explain herself. But if you’re cool with her carrying on like this, don’t let society pressure you into ending your marriage if it’s not a deal-breaker for you.
The paradigm of a lesbian married to a man is a more intractable issue. There are many lesbians out there who are, or who have, married a man. Sexuality can be confusing, and many women feel pressured into being straight and think their attraction to other women is merely a phase. But sexual orientation isn’t a phrase, and many women find themselves years into a marriage confronting the fact that they are lesbian. In such a case, a chance for a sexual relationship is pretty much over. But there are companionate marriages where a couple still love each other, just not romantically. They might stay together for their family and children, for financial reasons, or just because they still like each other. It is an alternative to divorce. It won’t work for everybody, but it’s probably worth discussing how a companionate marriage might work for you two and if it might be worth a try. Whatever you choose to do, remember that this is nobody’s fault. We all learn about ourselves at our own pace. You might feel angry that your wife married you if she’s a lesbian, but these things can be confusing.
In conclusion, how you react in this situation depends on a lot of variables. Does your wife want other women sexually? Does she want to experiment? Or is there one specific woman with whom she has fallen in love? Or has shetold you she’s a lesbian? If she’s a lesbian, the sexual part of your marriage is over. If she has decided she’s leaving you for another woman, the relationship is over. Sorry, it hurts, but some things you can’t control. However, your wife is attracted to other women is by no means a death sentence for your marriage. It could spice things up and lead to a more fulfilling, steamy, and sexy relationship for both of you. There aren’t many “rules” for these situations. You can make up rules that work for both of you. One key, however, is not to lose your head and not start blaming people (unless your wife has been cheating on you, which is a moral failing). If everybody is honest and open-minded, anything is possible.
